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Gillian Longworth McGuire's avatar

My husband just passed the Italian driving theory test! He actually had the question "Does a large meal (and the required digestion of said meal) affect your driving?" I wonder if the Italians have the temperature thing too? I have witnessed grown men afraid to go swimming on a scorching day because the cold water will hit their stomach causing all kinds of terribleness.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

I love the guidance on digestion while driving! I guess every culture has their thing. I am picky about water temperature, but that's just because I'm a baby, not because I think it will have any effect on me in any way. Maybe there is some logic behind it I'm just too stubborn to see.

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Gillian Longworth McGuire's avatar

It makes me laugh because ice cold drinks might kill you but gelato & granita are perfectly fine 🤷‍♀️ Another curiosity of mine is I never think about ice in drinks here but when I am in the US I want the giant ice water.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

That’s a good point, and the extreme joy and surprise you feel when you actually get a big glass of ice water is huge.

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Elizabeth's avatar

My French mother-in-law lived with the very real fear that a strong breeze could kill her. She would run around her Paris apartment shutting the windows to stop the dreaded courant d'air from taking the lives of anyone unfortunate enough to be struck by a blast of fresh air.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

So, I was going to include this but held back because I decided I need to do something larger on the French relationship with moving air, which sometimes is seen as good, and other times is lethal. I need to work on my hypothesis first...

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Jean Lavigne's avatar

It's contradictory, you are right. My French husband will open the door to "airer" our bedroom in the morning even in the middle of winter, seemingly forgetting that the bedroom is also my office and it will be too cold for me to work there for the next few hours. And at the same time he is comically afraid of cold air from the air conditioner in the summer and will wear a scarf all day at work to protect against getting sick from the "courant d'air."

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

Haha this happens to me all the time. I’m like, glad the air is now fresh but I’m freezing.

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Pamela Clapp's avatar

Thank you for the laugh! I’ve taken to eating my peaches (and nectarines, and most other mid-to-large fruits) peeled and with a fork and knife—after learning that eating fruit with your fingers at a sit-down meal is “pas possible.” But I cannot and will not eat my hamburger with a fork and knife nor will I eat pasta with ketchup!

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

Oh I hadn’t thought of fork and knife! That makes sense, I’m not sure how you hold onto them otherwise. Tbh I peel my apples at the table now. I’m not proud of it but it’s true.

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Elizabeth's avatar

Yes, because death by moving air is science, we must gather all the facts. Lives lie in the balance.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

I feel it will only be fair to maybe ask a French writer to do a companion piece about the American obsession with hydration. Or maybe I’ll just write that too.

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Elizabeth's avatar

What obsession with hydration? We need to drink every 5 minutes, or we will perish. That is, I don't think an American would have the necessary perspective on the current state of hydration obsession in the US.

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Tanya Tanaka's avatar

Brave, brave people fighting death one sip at a time.

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Tanya Tanaka's avatar

Constant hydration and eating! Eating at all times, in all places, the fear of hangry. Just saw a TikTok video of an American eating a tuna+mayo onigiri on a Japanese train. Omg, the sacrilege. If one is to eat, one eats in a dedicated eating zone. Not while walking, not on public transport, not in cars, not at one’s desk at work. Not only does this foul the air, but what if one, inadvertently or not ,bumps into someone causing substantial pain and suffering? Fundamentally, how is it possible for Americans be so thirsty and hungry all the time that they are constitutionally unable to delay gratification? One wonders if death might ensue without regular snacks. What a hideous infliction!

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Julia's avatar

Hahaha that's also a thing in France 😭 if you jump in the pool you might potentially ~die ~~ if you didn't first put water on your arms and neck (idk why or if that's true) because of choc thermique and you could also die because you just ate (or ate two hours before).......

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

This reminds me of the waiting two hours after eating to swim in the US. I think it's some old wisdom rooted in something that gets passed down and accepted until someone says "hey, wait a minute..."

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Julia's avatar

RIGHT? Kids do it all the time and they seem fine

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maryse's avatar

My French parents lived in the US for 20 years until we all moved back to France. And your post brought me so much joy. We did have a shower curtain in the tub and a shower door in our house in France because we were not animals. And my mother insisted on built in closets in every bedroom. Also we had an electric clothes dryer and AC as soon as it became a thing. In America we had had those things and they were practical, my very French father would say. Plus we lived in Texas for a couple of years. They knew the AC wouldn’t kill you. But they never got over their obsession with les courants d’airs. Also I went to Euro Disney once. Only Anglos know how to stand in line.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

Shower curtain, dryer, and closets, that’s living the dream!

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maryse's avatar

My mother searched far and wide for that dryer.

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Sonia B's avatar

"While the responses all brought up extremely valid points, none of them were strong enough to counterbalance how annoying it is to try to wash my hair without getting water across the room, how unsatisfying it is to always feel cold in the shower, as no heat will accumulate." I feel this deep in my soul.

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Megan Gibbons's avatar

This cracked me up, especially the line anxiety. I live in Portugal and here you take a number for basically everything so much fewer lines to stand in.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

A number system. That makes a lot of sense, I like that.

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Susan McCarthy's avatar

I absolutely loved your humorous, take on some of the things that I am also finding odd in France… Like the shower door thing, for example. I have only been living here for a month, and I am totally with you that complaining about the cost of a baguette is ridiculously unimportant, it helps me not to dwell then on the things in the US that cause me immeasurable grief. Every day, I think my lucky stars that I am here. Thank you for your lighthearted view.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

No, thank you! I always feel guilty when I’m lighthearted in the face of eevvveerryyyttthiiinggg. Glad it’s helpful to someone other than just me!

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Julia's avatar

Fou rire at the depiction of the awkward naked peach bahahaha

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Morgane Andersson's avatar

Back in France I've never encountered a doorless shower before but in Denmark it's everywhere, I was really weird out by it too!

I laughed out loud for the queuing, that is so French!

As for the thermic choc so spot on! 😅

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

Okay, good to know that I shouldn't expect a nice steamy shower in Denmark either. When I was there I only stayed one night before hopping over to Sweden, I don't remember the shower situation!

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Alice B.'s avatar

My coworkers systematically turn off the AC in the tiny break room when they eat lunch (the only room with AC cos it's also the server room). So there we are, 10 people crammed in a small overheated room in the summer where it's well over 30C. Every time I tell them: put on the AC, it's set to 26C !! It's not even cold ! why are we suffering ?! (I am French). Yesterday my proposition was met with a litany of answers such as : It gives me the migraine, it blocks my neck, it gives me a cold its giving me the proverbial choc thermique... I can't with them it's so fuckin dramatic hahaha

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

Hahaha oh no, I can feel the heat of that break room. I need to commit to some research on the anti Clim mindset and get to the bottom of it!

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Alice B.'s avatar

I just made a joke on AC at my colleague and I got a new one : the AC in the car gives me the nausea so I never use it hahaha what is it ?! (we live in South France too it's so hot!)

to be fair, the American habit to blast polar cold air inside in the summer is just as annoying. I shouldn't have to carry a jacket around in the summer because it's 18C in the mall ?! Why is it so cold ?!

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Megan Sulewski's avatar

I used to fancy myself a pretty even-keeled person, and then I moved to Paris and OMG, the utter lack of spatial/bodily/situational awareness has turned me into a maniac. Very nearly caused an international incident trying to buy dog food once, when after waiting at the till for 15 minutes behind a woman attempting to get personalized advice on each of the 50 items she’d brought to the register, the single cashier finally thought to call for reinforcements and the person at the very back of the line thought that was her cue to sail directly to the newly opened register. Ahead of everyone else in front of her. As if we were all just a bande de cons waiting around for no reason.

Even remembering it now spikes my blood pressure 😅

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

Omg, I feel like I stopped going to one particular Franprix because this exact thing happened every time. So bad for the cortisol levels! 📈

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Cricket's avatar

Thank you for reminding me of that corner shower in a bathroom with no door that I endured one long, cold winter ago in Paris. I’ve never been so happy to return to a good bathtub again. Though it did give me a lifelong obsession with bathroom wall heaters….it went quite a long ways to keeping the “bathroom” warm. I’ve installed one in every bathroom since because I always want it warmer there than the central heat can achieve.

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Harrison's avatar

Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.

check us out:

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Zeva Bellel's avatar

This is brilliant and hilarious and so spot on. I just spent a week at an all-inclusive resort near Montpellier where 100% of the guests were vacationing and literally everyone cut the lines. So people don’t need to feel rushed in France to see bodies as ghosts. 😂😂😂😂

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

I also blame this on there being a lot less buffets in France. Actually when I think of it, I think everyone loses their mind in a buffet situation.

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Zeva Bellel's avatar

So true! The scene was most chaotic on burger night!

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Betty Carlson's avatar

I've lived here so long, I've forgotten that peaches are not necessarily meant to be peeled. Thank you for the reminder!

As for the doorless showers, isn't this a new trend? It's fine if they're huge, but I just stayed in a somewhat cushy boutique hotel where my room was immense, but the no-door/no-curtain shower was in the no-door toilet (there was a door into the LARGE washbasin area) and took up only a bit of it. I could stick my feet into the shower from, well, where I was sitting, and a larger person literally would not have fit into it. Being pretty clumsy about getting hotel showers adjusted, I could see disaster ensuing, so I decided just to skip it. Fortunately it hadn't been hot and I was only staying for one night!

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Alice's avatar

Quicksand is absolutely a real thing and not all that rare. It's just not nearly as dangerous as cartoons would have you think.

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Parisian Chronicles's avatar

The mystery of French line etiquette still gets me, especially at the post office, where logic goes to die? I think part of the problem is that no one wants to be there, but since it’s such bad form (especially in Paris) to appear overly anxious or eager, everyone pretends it’s totally fine while quietly seething. Meanwhile, the guy in front of me is leaving such a dramatic gap that it practically invites someone to wander in and ask, “C’est la queue, ici?” I’ve gotten ever-so-slightly better at managing my internal freak-outs (hello, belly breathing), but after 20 years, I still haven’t mastered the art of the laissez-faire line wait.

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

Wow, this is a different take I had never thought of! I probably seem so over-eager, the way I wait in line, closely monitoring what is happening and all. Recently at a restaurant with a line, two girls came up, skipped the line, and stole a table and no one noticed because they were all talking! This is why you can't be nonchalant when you wait in line, there's too much at stake.

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Parisian Chronicles's avatar

Exactly! I’ve learned that looking relaxed while actually attentively scanning the crowd is the only way to survive. It’s a fine balance between “I’m effortlessly Parisian” and “I will absolutely call you out if you try to skip me.” I've also seen some famous French actresses get away with some wild moves (but maybe French actresses always do?), but I've also learned some of their tricks, which I will happily share with you! ;-)

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Kelsey Rose's avatar

The showers, the lines, the freak out about AC, and the skinless fruits and vegetables—these are totally the things that baffle me about living in France too! You described it perfectly!

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Shelby Chambers's avatar

I should say that the fruit is impeccable though. Some of the best I ever had. I don’t want to be ants at a picnic across the board.

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Kelsey Rose's avatar

YES, absolutely!! I love eating in this country. We are extremely lucky to be here experiencing all that France has to offer—spurting shower heads and all!

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